so I went out with single women this weekend and we talked about the Oprah show where two 14 year olds stated they were ready to have sex…

As you can imagine, there were many different opinions and some who preferred to stay quiet…

The questions Dr. Laura was asking the teens were amazing… I definitely thought it was a good way to talk about sex…

I don’t know that I would go as far as to buy condoms for my son… but I would give him the money and maybe even take him to a store once and show him where he could buy them… Although, in this day in age kids probably know where to get them…

I definitely agreed that the kids should be empowered by having all the information without encouraging them to have sex.

Sex has been such taboo for so long… I think it would help to talk about sex in as a positive expression of oneself… It’s another way to express ourselves to our loved one…

It might help to talk about sex as a normal and healthy action. It is a gift we give to others with whom we feel we want to share it.

Teenage girls need to understand that they have not committed a sin just because they gave in to temptation… They should be taught to feel it is ok for them to explore their bodies with or without someone…

We need to educate our girls about how to decide when they are ready to explore their bodies with someone else and how to choose the right person to share their bodies with…

Just like we need to teach our teenage boys to be respectful of teenage girls…

It shouldn’t be okay for the teenage boys to score and taboo for the teenage girls to score…

There is definitely an unbalance among the boys and girls… which is the same as the unbalance seen between men and women…

Give everyone options and the whole story, good and bad, about having sex. I think it will help us out in the long run…

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This is the best article I’ve read on the Mommy wars…

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1193793,00.htm

So true… 🙂

“Mom always tells me to celebrate everyone’s uniqueness. I like the way that sounds.” -Hilary Duff

This has really been bothering me and I thought I would blog about it today…

It seems that a mom poured her heart out to other moms (whom she doesn’t know) through a website and these moms lashed out at her…

They pointed the finger stating that she should be at home with her son in order to solve all their problems. Some were nice about it and some were out right mean.

Some said things like do you really have to work? Maybe you just need to stay home instead of placing your child in daycare…

I found these messages so inappropriate and mean… just so cruel… I mean if the parent does stay home with the child, the problems aren’t going to go away.

I asked myself… how ignorant can a mom be? these moms were just plain ignorant…

they replied and judged her without taking into consideration their knowledge about children with special needs or developmental delays/disorders/ or even the fact that this mom was just so anxious and so out of her element…

I mean these moms didn’t even think for a moment that this mom could be at her wits end… if she wasn’t depressed… they sure pushed her over the edge…

Did these moms even think to put themselves in her shoes? Nobody is the perfect parent and just because your child is considered “normal” doesn’t mean you are doing it right…

If and when the child goes to school, the problems will return and may have escalated or even be more apparent since schools are so strict and rigid. Schools are very demanding in all areas of development… academics, socially, emotionally, etc…

Working mothers do not cause developmental delays, disorders, or differences…

The one thing Stay at home moms never seem to figure out is that the more you hover over your child the less independent they are…

Stay at home moms aren’t always in the know regarding redflags in development… and guess what… your pediatrician isn’t either…

If they are… they don’t spend enough time with them to figure it out and if they aren’t then they don’t know what questions to ask the parents or how to probe the parents to get a better picture of the child’s development…

Development is not just about growth in their bodies and muscles and brains… but it also includes the subjective areas of social-emotional behaviors, speech and language skills and/or communicative behaviors, and of course adaptive behavior…

These subjective behaviors are behaviors that involve analysis and observation… they are not just seen in an xray…

So when your children are always around you and you are always adapting their environment to them… Redflags in development may not be apparent to you… OR… you just might find it normal for your child…

Many moms, regardless if they are working or stay at home, don’t know or understand what redflags to look for to catch developmental delays, disorders, etc before they send their children to school…

So it’s the teachers or the outside people who begin to ask questions and have doubts about the child’s development…

and let me tell you it is not easy to approach any parent and say “I have some concerns with your child’s behavior… I would like to recommend you to explore the idea of having your child evaluated…”

That is one of the hardest things to tell a parent and it’s incredibly stressful because of the uncertainty of how the parent will react…

You are trying to help someone and their family but you are also breaking someone’s heart… and making them feel incompetent…. without even wanting to…

This is where my doubt comes in about supportive moms… I think the only supportive moms you may find are those that have been through some difficult times with their children…

and even then, are they going to judge you about what steps you decide to take for your child’s intervention???

I don’t see other moms as supportive… I see them as critical… as judgmental… as inconsiderate… as uncompassionate… and always looking for one thing to use to put you down as a mother…

Do you cook? do you go to the gym? do you work? how do you discipline? do you follow the standard pediatrician recommendations for feeding, sleep training…. who’s your pediatrician? how do you dress your child? you name it…

It’s like moms are vultures and their waiting and watching and when you least expect it they are going to throw a knife at your heart and make you feel guilty for the decisions you’ve made as a parent with the greatest intentions you can possibly have for the well-being of your children…

Every parent does the best they can in the situation they are in at that moment in time…

That does not mean that parents don’t make mistakes…

That means that parents have strengths and they have weaknesses in their skills for raising their children and many factors play into how you as a parent will react at that moment when your child needs you the most…

I would only spill my guts to moms who are considered safe… and only, you, as a mom can determine if that parent is a safe and supportive person to have as an advocate for you…

So if you feel defensive when you are talking to another mom, that’s not a safe and supportive advocate for YOU!

Don’t forget… many people, friends, neighbors,etc will turn on you in the event of a crisis…

Most people don’t realize that there is a subspecialty of Pediatricians who specialize in development.

These pediatricians are called developmental pediatrician.

It’s no wonder why many pediatricians do not refer their patients out to specialists. Regular pediatricians focus on health vs illness and on the child globally. They have an overall understanding of development.

Regular pediatricians do not spend enough time with their patients to determine if there are delays in areas of development which are more subjective such as social-emotional development and speech and language development.

These areas of developments cannot be measured by a blood test, weight, circumference, and whether they are walking or running. These milestone measures are very concrete…

Social – emotional development and speech and language development are areas of development which are very abstract and difficult to judge when you have only been with the child for a few minutes over a sporadic period of time.

This is why if you have concerns regarding your child’s speech and language skills have a speech pathologist evaluate them.

Medical doctor referrals are not needed for speech pathology evaluations. Speech language pathologists are trained to refer their patients out for further evaluations if they deem necessary.

Social emotional development can be measured by Early Childhood specialists, psychologists, and developmental pediatricians.

Developmental Pediatricians work with a team who evaluate child globally in terms of development.

For more information check out the American Academy of Pediatrics for more information.

Every parent does the very best they can in the situation that they are in at that moment in time (more…)

So… this may be a little late… but oh well…

I think it was a good show… It helped me understand that there is always another Mom who is a little more wacko than me…

Also… I am not the only mom who wants to take short cuts at times or pull her hair out…

I was a little disappointed because I felt like the subject of working moms vs stay at home moms and the conflicts felt between the two sides was rather briefly mentioned…

It seemed like we have to address it but we don’t want to get into it… so instead of not addressing we’ll make a quick comment and move on…

Which I felt didn’t do justice to the subject of the war between working moms and stay at home moms.

I mean I think it’s an issue worth talking about, LADIES…

It needs to be addressed and out in the open… We all need to get it out in order to get over it…

I agree that we need to feel secure with our own decision in order to not feel judged by others…

but come on… it’s not an easy one to make or live with… I understand the grass is greener on the other side…

but some of the vicious attacks comments I’ve gotten from my stay at home moms are very hurtful and insensitive…

hey maybe I am hypersensitive to the subject but… in my book it’s not just about materialistic things… it is about our retirement and our child’s college…

Our Retirement is important to us for many reasons but one the most important is that we don’t want to financially burden our child and his future family… we want to work hard for our economic independence from our child through our old age years.

To our family, it is important that our child receive a degree from a university… and not have to struggle with student loans, if we can help it…

so I think Oprah should have spent a little more time on the topic… or maybe she’ll devote another episode to the topic…

Every parent has the best interest of their children in mind…
“Every parent does the very best they can in the situation that they are in at that moment in time” -ME!

So as I’ve said before… maybe we need to stop judging… be more understanding, considerate, and compassionate to all of our colleagues in the profession of Motherhood… Parenting is a skill of which in some people is a strength and in others is a weakness… However, all of us as parents, can benefit from using our strengths to improve our weaknesses in all areas of life… but specifically parenting in this case…