This has really been bothering me and I thought I would blog about it today…

It seems that a mom poured her heart out to other moms (whom she doesn’t know) through a website and these moms lashed out at her…

They pointed the finger stating that she should be at home with her son in order to solve all their problems. Some were nice about it and some were out right mean.

Some said things like do you really have to work? Maybe you just need to stay home instead of placing your child in daycare…

I found these messages so inappropriate and mean… just so cruel… I mean if the parent does stay home with the child, the problems aren’t going to go away.

I asked myself… how ignorant can a mom be? these moms were just plain ignorant…

they replied and judged her without taking into consideration their knowledge about children with special needs or developmental delays/disorders/ or even the fact that this mom was just so anxious and so out of her element…

I mean these moms didn’t even think for a moment that this mom could be at her wits end… if she wasn’t depressed… they sure pushed her over the edge…

Did these moms even think to put themselves in her shoes? Nobody is the perfect parent and just because your child is considered “normal” doesn’t mean you are doing it right…

If and when the child goes to school, the problems will return and may have escalated or even be more apparent since schools are so strict and rigid. Schools are very demanding in all areas of development… academics, socially, emotionally, etc…

Working mothers do not cause developmental delays, disorders, or differences…

The one thing Stay at home moms never seem to figure out is that the more you hover over your child the less independent they are…

Stay at home moms aren’t always in the know regarding redflags in development… and guess what… your pediatrician isn’t either…

If they are… they don’t spend enough time with them to figure it out and if they aren’t then they don’t know what questions to ask the parents or how to probe the parents to get a better picture of the child’s development…

Development is not just about growth in their bodies and muscles and brains… but it also includes the subjective areas of social-emotional behaviors, speech and language skills and/or communicative behaviors, and of course adaptive behavior…

These subjective behaviors are behaviors that involve analysis and observation… they are not just seen in an xray…

So when your children are always around you and you are always adapting their environment to them… Redflags in development may not be apparent to you… OR… you just might find it normal for your child…

Many moms, regardless if they are working or stay at home, don’t know or understand what redflags to look for to catch developmental delays, disorders, etc before they send their children to school…

So it’s the teachers or the outside people who begin to ask questions and have doubts about the child’s development…

and let me tell you it is not easy to approach any parent and say “I have some concerns with your child’s behavior… I would like to recommend you to explore the idea of having your child evaluated…”

That is one of the hardest things to tell a parent and it’s incredibly stressful because of the uncertainty of how the parent will react…

You are trying to help someone and their family but you are also breaking someone’s heart… and making them feel incompetent…. without even wanting to…

This is where my doubt comes in about supportive moms… I think the only supportive moms you may find are those that have been through some difficult times with their children…

and even then, are they going to judge you about what steps you decide to take for your child’s intervention???

I don’t see other moms as supportive… I see them as critical… as judgmental… as inconsiderate… as uncompassionate… and always looking for one thing to use to put you down as a mother…

Do you cook? do you go to the gym? do you work? how do you discipline? do you follow the standard pediatrician recommendations for feeding, sleep training…. who’s your pediatrician? how do you dress your child? you name it…

It’s like moms are vultures and their waiting and watching and when you least expect it they are going to throw a knife at your heart and make you feel guilty for the decisions you’ve made as a parent with the greatest intentions you can possibly have for the well-being of your children…

Every parent does the best they can in the situation they are in at that moment in time…

That does not mean that parents don’t make mistakes…

That means that parents have strengths and they have weaknesses in their skills for raising their children and many factors play into how you as a parent will react at that moment when your child needs you the most…

I would only spill my guts to moms who are considered safe… and only, you, as a mom can determine if that parent is a safe and supportive person to have as an advocate for you…

So if you feel defensive when you are talking to another mom, that’s not a safe and supportive advocate for YOU!

Don’t forget… many people, friends, neighbors,etc will turn on you in the event of a crisis…

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